Happy Mother’s Day to my Mom, Grandma, and all the other mother figures in my life!

Currently, I am in Florida for my cousin’s baptism. My parents were not able to make it, so I am here with my sister.

I have a HUGE family that I love so dearly. Just to give you an idea of how huge – my Dad is the oldest of 10 kids!!! So, I have lots of aunties, uncles, and cousins.

The beautiful thing about my family is that we are VERY family-oriented and we love getting together for family events. This means that my cousin’s baptism party was LIT!

The Rollercoaster

All of this is exciting, but there is a downside. I knew in advance that I would not be able to have as much fun with my family as I usually would. Two weeks before leaving for Florida, I started a new job. That job literally rode me down a spiraling rollercoaster filled with mental health twists.

I lost control of my mental wellness. I was no longer able to manage my symptoms. The rollercoaster was moving so fast that it even concerned my therapist.

The last time she saw me this way, I ended up having an intense mental breakdown. I was hospitalized for three weeks in two different hospitals. (Interestingly enough, my job at the time was one of my triggers.)

Can’t Have Too Much Fun

So, my therapist said that my Florida trip came at a perfect time. The only thing is that I had to be cautious as to how I spent my time.

Some of the symptoms that I was having were anxiety and irritability. So, pretty much my mood was elevated. For someone who has bipolar, that is worrisome because that elevated mood can easily turn to a manic episode.

To avoid a manic episode, I have to spend a lot of time bringing my mood down. Then, I have to avoid triggers that would continue to elevate my mood, even if those triggers were positive.

Mania can sometimes look like excitement and sometimes our bodies don’t know the difference between excitement and anxiety. With that being said, I had to limit the amount of excitement that surrounded me in Florida to rest and rejuvenate my mind.

Mental Preparation

I mentally prepared myself that some days in Florida, I would have to say no to some family gatherings. The main event is my cousin’s baptism, but my family will still have other gatherings or hangouts at someone’s house. Since I wasn’t feeling well mentally, I couldn’t risk activating my mania. I knew that I would not be able to make it for every family function.

It made me sad that I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with my family, but I also knew that I had to choose my well being and focus on healing.

I got to Florida Wednesday night and my cousin’s baptism party was on Saturday (the day before Mother’s Day). Wednesday night I saw some family members and hung out throughout the night. I decided to rest Thursday and Friday so that I will be able to “turn up” on Saturday.

Throughout Thursday and Friday, family members kept asking for me. When Saturday came, more family members would come up to me and question the fact that they haven’t seen me since I landed. I would just laugh it off and say ” well, I’m here now!”

I told only a few cousins that I wasn’t feeling well, but I really didn’t want to have to answer to everyone and tell them the exact reason why I wasn’t at every function.

Mother’s Day

Yesterday was TONS of fun!!! Today is Mother’s Day and there is going to be a Mother’s Day brunch at one of my Uncle and Aunt’s house. I didn’t know about the brunch until I reached Florida, but I knew for a fact that something was definitely going to happen for Mother’s Day.

I also knew that I would not be able to attend after having a very energetic day at my cousin’s baptism party.

It was really, really challenging to say no. At the same time, I knew that going to the brunch will make it harder to rejuvenate from the energy that I exerted last night. It was a really tough decision because I love spending time with my family.

Sometimes you have to say no, no matter how badly you want to do something. You never know if that one thing you should have said no to is that same thing that can lead to a mental health crisis.

So, today…

I choose myself.

I choose my mental health.

I choose to allow myself to rest.

I choose to avoid mania from happening.

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